NFL For Dummies: The Team You Should Be Following Based On Your League Team

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Look, we're not judging here. We're here to help. So if the only time you even think about NFL is when the Super Bowl comes around, we'll make sure you know everything you need to.

The most important thing? Who you're going to support. Rather than taking a shot in the dark, we've done a very thorough and scientific investigation into what NFL team you should follow based on your League team.

Brisbane Broncos = Denver Broncos

Yep, it’s mostly because it’s unbelievable that both competitions have a team named the Broncos, but also the Denver version of the Broncos have sold out their home games every time dating all the way back to 1970. And the only team/stadium combination that even comes close to that level of dedication in the NRL is the Brisbane Broncos and Suncorp Stadium.

Sydney Roosters = Dallas Cowboys

It’s nice supporting the Roosters. They’re successful, glamorous and run by one of the more powerful figures in the game, Nick Politis. Hello Dallas Cowboys. With Jerry Jones at the helm, the Cowboys are the most valuable sporting franchise in the world valued at $4 billion. In the comfort of Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs, Roosters supporters simply believe they are the world’s most valuable sporting franchise.

South Sydney Rabbitohs = Green Bay Packers

When diehard Rabbitoh supporters Russell Crowe and Peter Holmes A Court took over the club in 2006, they inadvertently channelled the spirit of the Green Bay Packers and it’s cheesehead supporters. The Packers are the only community owned franchise in all of American sports and while South Sydney don’t have hundreds of thousands of stockholders in the form of their fans as the Packers do, having Russell at the helm at least means you’ve got someone who’s passionate about the club succeeding.

Manly Sea Eagles = Miami Dolphins

The party nature of the Manly supporters would feel right at home with the Dolphins of Miami. It’s fun in the sun. And just like the Sea Eagles fans who think the Spit Bridge is a bridge too far to travel for an away game, Dolphin fans prefer the comfort of South Florida and don’t think it’s worth leaving for a football game.

Parramatta Eels = San Francisco 49ers

An easy association to make because of Jarryd Hayne but the similarities go much deeper than the Hayne Plane. The fans of both teams probably still stand around the bar boasting about the success of the glory years that were the 1980s and the Hall of Famers who they cheered on. For the 49ers it was Jerry Rice and Joe Montana under the guidance of Bill Walsh and for the Eels it was Peter Sterling and Ray Price with the tutelage of Jack Gibson.

Canterbury Bulldogs = Philadelphia Eagles

If you’re a Bulldogs supporter you’re loyal, vocal with a bit of a hard edge… and you know what it means to be despised by the rest of the competition. The Philadelphia faithful are regularly voted the NFL’s most hated fan base. On the upside, you’ve made the Super Bowl!

St George Illawarra Dragons = Pittsburgh Steelers

If things had panned out differently the team would be the St George Illawarra Steelers, but they didn’t and here we are. Like Steelers fans, Dragons supporters are everywhere. Maybe because it’s two supporter bases combined, maybe because of bandwagon jumpers getting on board after those many dragons premierships all those years ago or perhaps because anyone who grows up in Illawarra or Wollongong supporting the club moves away as soon as they get their drivers license. You’ll feel right at home with the Pittsburgh supporters who despise their home city as much.

Wests Tigers = Los Angeles Rams

Just as Wests and Balmain were forced together so too were the city of Los Angeles and the Rams. First they were the Cleveland Rams, before a 48 year run as the Los Angeles Rams was ended with a move to St. Louis for 20 years before returning to the city of angels. So while Wests Tigers fans might not enjoy the consistent rotation between their multiple “home grounds”, imagine how the poor Rams feel about the rotation between their multiple “home cities”.

Penrith Panthers = Carolina Panthers

You’re proud of your team and you’re proud of where you’re from. And supporting Carolina Panthers means you don’t have to buy any new merchandise.

North Queensland Cowboys = Seattle Seahawks

1300 Smiles Stadium is your home, your fortress and you defend it with your voice every time the Cowboys plays there. That loudness and loyalty would make you a welcome member of Seattle’s 12 Man, the moniker given to the Seahawks fan base who set the noise record for an outdoor stadium in 2014. And just like the Seahawks of Seattle, you are a long long long way away from any of the other teams in the competition and so you’ve got nothing to do but talk about just how great you and your team were/are/will be.

Gold Coast Titans = Jacksonville Jaguars

You’re a new team. You’ve never made the big dance and chances are you never will. Simple

Melbourne Storm = New England Patriots

You’re a fan who knows what it’s like to be the envy of every other supporter base. Simply put, you enjoy winning. You’ve got the best coach (Bellamy/Belichik) in the business and you’re lead on field by a once in a generation player (Smith/Brady) who might go down as the greatest of all time once (or if) he retires. And you know what it’s like to be at odds with the sports governing body over scandals (Salary Cap/Deflategate).

Cronulla Sharks = New York Giants

You think the Shire is the greatest place in Australia and consequently the Sharks are the greatest sporting team in the Australia. You’ll fit right in supporting the New York Giants. Although they’re going through a bit of a flat spot, rest assured with the over the top confidence of their supporters, the Giants will be back in playoff discussions next year.

Canberra Raiders = Buffalo Bills

As a Raiders supporter you pine for the success of the early nineties. Days when names like Meninga, Stuart, Clyde and Daley almost guaranteed you would feature at the pointy end of the season. Substitute those names for Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed and Jim Kelly and you have the Buffalo Bills. A powerhouse in the early nineties, the Bills made four consecutive Super Bowls… which they lost… ALL OF THEM. On the upside as a Raiders fan you’ll be well armed with warm clothes which is perfect because Buffalo experiences more snow than any other city with an NFL team and the wind only adds to the chill factor. 

Newcastle Knights = Detroit Lions

Tough, gritty and without much to celebrate… this could be the synopsis for the fans of the Newcastle Knights or the Detroit Lions. But let’s just sum it up by saying that as a Knights fan, you can sympathise with the difficulty of supporting a team that seemingly is in a constant state of rebuilding.

New Zealand Warriors = Cleveland Browns

Forever disappointing. Year after year the Warriors loyal fans hope and pray that they’ll get their shit together and make a run but the wait continues. Welcome to the world of the Cleveland Browns. Both teams have gone through seven different head coaches since 2004 and neither team have ever won a championship. So Warriors fans should feel more than at home in the Burnt Orange and Seal Brown of the perennial NFL strugglers.      

4 February 2018




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