"If I Was Them I’d Be Looking To Claim Asylum In Russia If They Don’t Get Out Of The Group"

World Cup Diary

"If I Was Them I’d Be Looking To Claim Asylum In Russia If They Don’t Get Out Of The Group" AAP

Global Football Tournament Diary 20/06/2018

So I’ve finally calmed down off the back of not getting on the pitch against France in our first game. To say I was pissed off was an understatement.

Some bloke tried to calm me down but I didn’t know who he was so I told him to “F**k Off”. Turns out it was our keeper Matt Ryan but I didn’t recognise him BECAUSE HE WASN’T PICKING A BALL OUT OF THE BACK OF THE NET…

So maybe I haven’t calmed down yet.

This is actually the first opportunity I’ve had to write a diary entry since the loss to France cause Bert took all of phones and computers away saying he wanted us to avoid reading any media about our performance.

It hasn’t bothered me much but Tim Cahill has been taking polaroids and tying them to pigeons cause he says he needs to provide consistent content for all of his “TimFans” on Instagram.

I hate that bloke.

As disappointed as I was to not get on the field I still tried to swap my shirt with Paul Pogba after the game. He said “Non”. I said “Sorry I don’t speak French but I’d still like to swap shirts”. He walked off, rude prick.

I tried to swap it with Antoine Griezemann, he also said “Non”

So I ended up swapping it with a South Korean player who offered which I thought was a weird offer but he said their coach was trying some tactic to confuse their opposition.  Whatever.

We’ve got the Danes next and I swear to god if Daniel Arzani makes one more joke about them being “the not so Great Danes” I’m going to kick that little shit in his pre-pubescent nuts. Age is no excuse for an immature sense of humour Daniel.

We need to get a result against Denmark, preferably a win but a draw at least keeps our hopes of progression alive which is more than you can say for the Colombian team if they don’t win their next two games.

If I was them I’d be looking to claim asylum in Russia if they don’t get out of the group.

Time to hit the head…. And yes I mean kicking Daniel Arzani in the groin… then I’ll go to sleep.

Socceroos’ Oscar Mimmovic writes exclusively for Triple M during this year’s Global Football Tournament in Russia.

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