Cockpit Audio Catches Pilots' Entire, Epic Conversation About Drawing A Penis In The Sky
"Balls are complete"
Two Navy pilots have had their entire, epic discussion about whether or not the penis they were tracing in the sky had "lopsided" balls published for all to see.
A report published in the Navy Times has revealed that the two unnamed officers were caught after a mother on the ground snapped a photo of their masterpiece and sent it to the local news.
Fortunately for all involved, the investigation also included a transcript of the conversation between the two as they settled on their plan of attack.
Here it is, in all its unedited glory:
EWO: "Draw a giant penis. That would be awesome."
Pilot 2: "What did you do on your flight? Oh, we turned dinosaurs into sky penises."
EWO: "You should totally try to draw a penis."
Pilot 2: "I could definitely draw one, that would be easy. I could basically draw a figure eight and turn around and come back. I’m gonna go down, grab some speed and hopefully get out of the contrail layer so they’re not connected to each other.
EWO: "Dude, that would be so funny. Airliner’s coming back on their way into Seattle, just this big [expletive]ing, giant penis. We could almost draw a vein in the middle of it too."
Pilot 2: "Balls are going to be a little lopsided. Balls are complete. I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft."
EWO: "Which way is the shaft going?"
Pilot 2: "The shaft will go to the left."
EWO: "It’s gonna be a wide shaft."
Pilot 2: "I don’t wanna make it just like 3 balls."
EWO: "Let’s do it. Oh, the head of that penis is going to be thick."
According to the report, the pair circled over their handiwork to take a photo, with another pilot who was flying with them radioing in to congratulate them.
But when the contrails didn't disappear as quickly as they thought they would, the pilots began to get anxious - and then tried to "scribble" it out.
Unsurprisingly, that didn't work and the pilots were forced to return to their Naval base at Whidbey Island to refuel.
The squadron's executive officer confronted the junior officers when they returned, and the two received disciplinary action.