Pour One Out For The Bloke Who's Accidentally Ruined His Sex Life After Listening To Black Metal

Tale as old as time

Article heading image for Pour One Out For The Bloke Who's Accidentally Ruined His Sex Life After Listening To Black Metal

Creative Commons

It truly is a tale as old as time: Boy meets girl. Boy tries to take relationship to the next level with said girl. Boy realises he's accidentally trained himself so he can only have sex to black metal.

The poor bloke posted his predicament in Reddit's relationship thread, basically asking for advice on how to deal with his inappropriate Pavlovian response.

"I am a music fan," the 23-year-old started the now-viral post. "I always listen to different kinds of music as I do different things.

"For a very long time I have listened to shoegazey, atmospheric type black metal while I masterbate. It's a little weird but it's what I'm into (for that particular task) and I think I am starting to have problems because of this."

Basically, until now, the poster's previous girlfriends hadn't had any issue with the music he played while they - and this is a direct quote - "hopped on the good foot and did the bad thing".

But his new girlfriend also has pretty particular taste in their bedroom playlist - and now it's causing issues.

"She likes Midwest Emo bands that aren't actually from the Midwest," he explains. "No problem for me, I really enjoy that kind of music. 

"However, my dick did not. For some reason I couldn't get it on and I didn't know why."

A little later on, "it clicked": "It was the music that I needed to get me going."

Somewhat impressively, the anonymous guy tried to wear Air Pods the next time the situation arose; somewhat unsurprisingly, his new girlfriend wasn't terribly into the idea, and made him take them out.

"I really don't know what to do. I've never told anyone else this because I just connected the dots myself," he concluded, asking for advice.

The latest update is that he will be "experimenting with different types of music/ no music to see if anything could help".

Deirdre Marie

19 July 2019

Article by:

Deirdre Marie

Listen Live!
Up Next