Bloke's Honest Ad For "Woefully Sh*t" $575 Used Car Is Pure Poetry

Anyone who has had to dedicate hours trawling through used car ads - or house ads, for that matter - knows the pain of trying to decipher agent jargon.

"Perfect for the daily commuter" means there's no way it can handle any kind of incline; "much-loved" means generations of kids have spewed on the backseat; and "affordable price point" means that it's an absolute wreck but hey, you won't have to pay too much to own it!

Which is why this bloke should be held up as a hero of our time, a man not afraid to tell it like it is and cut through all the bullshit.

Because Luke's ad for a $575 "woefully shit" 1997 Mazda MX-3 LHD is pure poetry; the car, which is up for grabs in Northern Ireland but came via Poland, has already done 274,000 miles but "feels like most of those have been spent driving down sets of concrete stairs for fun".

"Are you the type that thinks a loud exhaust makes people like you?" the ad starts. "Do you feel that driving a lowered Japanese car suddenly makes you the star of the next Fast & Furious film?"

"We've got the car for you."

Luke goes on to take a dig at literally every aspect of the car, starting with the engine.

"It has a woefully shit 1.6 16v, which, coupled with the BAD BOY exhaust, makes progress on the road rather embarrassing," he writes.

"You see little boys on the street turning around and expecting something really special to flash past them quicker than light. The disappointment on their faces when they see a turquoise Mazda with Argos alloy wheels, driven by a man in a lilac jumper, being overtaken by Susan in her Ford Ecosport, is quite a picture.

The suspension is cooked ("about as useful as the current government"), the decor is questionable ("a tint on the rear windscreen that's peeling like a ginger after three weeks in Tenerife") and even getting INTO the car is an issue.

"You have to fold yourself like a human Origami for a seat that's about 2.5cm off the ground, while making sure nobody sees you actually getting into it," Luke laments.

"This could be the car to begin your journey to the life you've always wanted. 

"It has certainly confirmed to me that I'd prefer to leave that particular path for others to venture."

While we highly doubt you'll actually want to BUY the vehicle, you should definitely check out the full, unabridged car description here.